The Terrible, No Good, Mom

For the past two weeks, I have been a "terrible" mother in the eyes of my almost five year old little girl. You wanna know why I am a "terrible" mother. Here it goes; last week I wouldn't let her wear her favorite dress out of the bottom of the dirty hamper, and today it was because I don't let her eat Cheetos enough and I will not let her swim without a life-jacket when there's not an adult in the pool.

I think all parents can attest to the worrying of not being enough for their kids, not doing enough, and constantly feeling like they're failing them. I've yet to meet a perfect parent in my 25 years of age. Oddly enough hearing those things come out of my daughters mouth made me realize something. I'm not doing too bad as a parent. If all my kid has to complain about is, her lack of junk food in her diet and me trying to keep her hygienic and safe, I think its safe to say I'm doing an okay job. With that being said, I don't feel I'm am anywhere near done growing and improving with and for my child. Don't forget when you're parenting, your children aren't the only ones who are growing. Even after our parent's are done "raising" us there is always room for improvements.

For me, this has been something I've struggled with my entire life. I am always either way too harsh and critical with myself, or I completely shut down, shove my head in the sand and pray for it to go away. Lately I've been pushing myself really hard to change, but in retrospect, I am also trying to be more loving and forgiving to myself. I've struggled with anxiety and worrying about what the people I love think about me my entire life. There's something one of my favorite doctors used to say to me, "My cupith, has runith over".  When he would say this, he would  draw a little cup with a pipe dripping water into it. From there I always knew the speech that was going to come after. He's would draw the picture on the bed paper, look and me and say, "Amanda, where is all this water going to go when the cup is full". Then I would respond, "It's going to flow over the top Dr. Sam". Where he would then respond with, "How do we keep your cup from flowing over? We built a valve to let the water out before it comes pouring out of the top of cup". If you haven't caught on, the cup is you, the pipe is life, and the water is emotions and stress that come out of life and into you. When you don't release the stress in your life, you overflow. Overflow with anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, depression, or anything that is a direct result of you not taking care of yourself mentally, physically and emotional. So, where am I going with this and what does this have to do with being a parent.  Here's what is boils down to; If you don't take care of yourself, you will find yourself not meeting up to your expectations of being a good parent. Taking care of yourself, improving yourself, and growth are things that make you a better parent.

So what am I doing in efforts to be a better mother for myself, and Brielle? I have made a commitment to myself, to try and have 10% improvements everyday. This week my 10% was insuring I got Brielle back on her bedtime schedule, read her a bed time story every night, and got both of our things ready for the next day before I went to bed. It's only been a week and I already feel so much better about myself, and my life. This 10% theory is something I actually got in beauty college. I used to listen to interviews from John Paul Dejoria, all the time and this is something that really stuck with me. If you don't know anything about this man, I encourage you to look him up. He is one of the co-founders of John Paul Mitchell Systems and is an all around inspiring human being. He talks about when you have a goal in mind, or are just trying to grow, to strive to make little improvements everyday. Once you master those improvements, pick another way to improve by 10% and reach that goal. This is a perfect way for me to keep myself from getting discouraged, and feeling like a, "terrible, no good, mom". Some time's you will be set back in those goals and that's okay. Failure is a way to learn to readjust the approach.

Life is crazy, and beautiful. But don't get so caught up in the stress of it that you don't enjoy it. Be forgiving to yourself when you fall short of whats expected of you, and I promise you, you will be a happier person. And the greatest things about being a happy parent, is that happy parents equals happy children. Be kind to yourselves, friends. I promise you, you are doing just fine.