Spinning In Circles

When you were little did you ever just put your arms out and spin and spin and spin? 

Do you remember the way it felt after? You almost had that light headed feeling and things still felt like they were spinning and you stumbled around a little bit... I guess as an adult I just also described the feeling of being incredibly drunk ha ha. But spinning as a kid was much more enjoyable, then drunk adult spinning because that's usually accompanied by a hangover and maybe some vomiting. But back to literally spinning around as a child, I remember the feeling. Almost vividly. The rush you felt and how fun it was to feel like the world was going in circles around you. Now fast forward to having that feeling again, as an adult, but without the fun of intoxication. Just the rush of everyday life. The frantic making to do lists in your head, trying to make sure your child's taken care of, your bills are taken care of, your house, your car, and usually lastly yourself.

When did we get so busy?

Lately I have been feeling like the room is spinning, but I've lost the childhood feel to it. It doesn't feel fun, it feels overwhelming and at times down right terrifying. Maybe as adults that's why we get so run down. Instead off enjoying the rush of the spinning around us we let it consume us. We start freaking out and trying to make it stop by running in more circles, when in reality all we need to do is, slow down until we stop and let your perception catch back up to you.

I will restore you- Joel 2:25

I'm really trying to learn how to be restored lately. I get so overwhelmed in all the things I need to get done, all the things I have yet to get done, and all the things I want to accomplish, that I start to feel defeated. I feel like a straight up hot mess. I think we are all our own worse critics and I know I am mine. The low points for me are when I feel less like a mother. When I feel like I'm not giving Brielle all she needs. For example, today I welcomed those feelings in. She starts TK on Thursday and I had a huge lists of things I've been wanting to do for her and get done. One of those which was to get her in to bed early and get her on a schedule. Well here we are, two days before school starts, and I didn't get her dinner until almost 8pm and didn't get her to bed until almost 9:30. At about 9pm those overwhelming feelings of guilt and anxiety began to hit me. I was telling myself...Oh no, I've failed again. Here we are the week school starts, and between my new job, trying to get school set up for both me and her, and the salon, I've managed to fail her AGAIN. How in the world am I going to do this? I'm going to be that hot mess mom that the teachers and the other well put together moms judge because we're always rushing in at the last moment, and sometimes I let her win the argument about letting her wear her hair "curly" which is but Brielle's code for bedhead. 

And then I heard it...

My favorite noise in the world. Her gigantic belly laugh, as she sat on the sofa, her Doc McStuffin's plate in her lap, eating her favorite dinner pea's and pizza, watching Minions. It was right there when I stopped. I stopped spinning and I looked over at my little girl happy as can be, healthy, clothed, and fed. I am blessed.  In that moment I felt God has restored me. Maybe I am that hot mess mom. But you know what, I think I'm okay with that. I made her put her plate in the sink, which I'm not going to worry about until the morning, brush her teeth and pick out a bed time story. Tonight I felt more than ever, even though it was so late, I was not going to miss that bedtime story. Because I was absorbing the happiness of my child. I was being restored.

I think we can learn a lot from out children about how to be happy and fulfilled. There's something I always make sure to tell Brielle when she has failure and its "You'll do better next time". Tonight I'm taking my own advice, I have a ton of laundry to do, and the dishes in the sink, and things to set up for tomorrow. But it wont be done until the morning. Tonight I need to feel restored, I need some rest, some sleep and "I'll do better next time".