Is this the life you want to live?

It's that time again, beginning of the next semester of school. As of Monday I will be taking ten unit's, working full time at the doctors office, and a few days out of the month at the salon. All well taking care of Brielle and her needs of course. She's my number one priority and the main reason for all the madness. A flood of emotions are running through me right now. Fear, anxiety, worry, excitement, love, and pure joy. How blessed am I to be able to be of strong body and mind and be able to manage this crazy hectic schedule. Of course, having  an amazing, loving, and supportive group of family and friends help tremendously. Without them, truly, none of this would be possible.

Going back to school wasn't the easiest decision. First of all I had no idea in the world what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to make a difference, to feel fulfilled, but I just didn't know how. Something I was extremely interested in since I was a young adult was being a game warden. I grew up in a family that loves to hunt, and actually have a bow myself. Wildlife conservation, and hunting are a passion and a hobby for me. Although I was a little weary of turning another hobby into a career, ultimately it was my dad who talked me out of it. "Being a form of law enforcement, and a single mother probably isn't the best idea". Although it can be done, and I am sure there are plenty of single mothers that put on the uniform everyday, in the end I sided with my dad. It was a scary thought to think of Brielle not having both of her parents and it wasn't something I felt I could risk. But I have a great respect for the single parents that do, let me tell you. Fast forward a bit, I was starting to get really upset that I couldn't figure out what I wanted to be. I was wanting to find something I could be proud of, Brielle could be proud of, and I could wake up everyday feeling like I was truly making an impact in this world. I remember being really upset about it one day and being told by someone I care about, "Don't worry about it, you'll figure it out. You're a sheepdog". At the time I had no idea what the term "sheepdog" stood for so my response to that was, "huh?". "Sheepdog's are people who protect and take care of 'the sheep'. Unlike the wolf, who attacks the sheep."  This is common term to refer to LEO. But he, as a LEO,  meant it in a way to encourage me and I took it as a big compliment and still do.

One of my biggest passions in life is, children. I LOVE children and babies and would go to the ends of the earth to care for, protect and nurture as many children as possible. Honestly, once I'm a nurse, I would LOVE to foster to adopt a few children. There are so many that need loving homes. And being a mom is something that brings me the most joy in life. I've always had a mothering, nurturing personality. So when I had a dream about being a pediatric nurse, it was like God hit me in the face with it. Why, is this something I have never considered? I've always have had an interest in the medical field and health. It was almost like coming up for fresh air. I finally felt like I found where I was needed and where I belong.

I have to say, after finishing my MA program, pushing my self with school, working full time and raising my daughter, I feel so much pride in myself. What feels even more amazing is that my beautiful 5, going on 25, year old little monster, tells me all the time how proud of me she is. So this week will be filled with lots of organizing, cooking for the week, and scheduling every moment of my life. But I will love every moment of it because it's leading me where I want to be, and to the woman, I want to be.

If you feel like you're at a point in your life where you don't know where to go next, don't give. Spend sometime with yourself, and with God, and really try and find that missing puzzle piece. Only you have the power to change your life, and where you are going. If this isn't where you want to be and you're not proud of the person you are becoming, guess what? We've all been there at some point. Don't unpack and live there. Pick up your bags and take them where your soul is pulling you. Whether it's to a new career, or out of a crappy relationship, or a complete overhaul on how you're living your life, get up and LIVE your life. Find your passion. No one else is going to do it for you.